Disaster Dates

This is a new series of stories I’m going to start telling all relating to, you guessed it, really, exceptionally, bad dates. Now, I’ve thought about this for a while, if its fair to tell stories about guys I have gone on dates with or wanted to date without their consent and I’ve decided the answer is, oh hell yes. I think you’ll agree as you read on. Obviously I will not use their real names for the sake of their privacy, but absolutely nothing else will be made up.

Not to long ago, I went on a date with a dude named Ken. I found him on Bumble and he seemed pretty nice so I agreed to meet him. I went to The Score, a pub/bar by my apartment in Vancouver, side note: everyone should go to Score, I love it. So I’m sitting outside and he’s really late so I’m like, okay I’m just going to get a drink and wait. All the sudden this 6 foot 7 giraffe like male comes running up and everyone screams his name and I quickly find out, oh sh*t he’s a regular here. But I play it cool, I stand up and I put my hand out to shake his hand, because I’m awkward and he hugs me but I left my hand in hand shake position, so I punched him in the gut a bit. We sit down and he proceeds to tell me that he just chugged a beer on his way over and was still crazy hung over from this morning, not last night, this morning… Okay, so I’m thinking this isn’t going to go great but I have to give it more time.

After the second cider I ordered finished I was ready to go, I knew we weren’t getting along great and I frankly wanted to go home and go to bed. However, he continues to order me more drinks, so I agree to stay because at this point I believe he is now purchasing my drinks because he is ordering them for me.. spoiler alert, I was wrong. At this point, Ken knows nothing about me, I haven’t spoken, I’ve just been drinking and when I drink I can’t hear very well so I’m just sitting, nodding and smiling. All the sudden, I throw in a “haha yeah” and he gets excited and says “seriously??” I did so bad, because I found out what he asked was “Would you be interested in a threesome?”.. I swear I did a small spit take. I tried to play it off cool and say “just kidding!” but that opened the flood gates to him telling me all about his sexual conquests. Which in all honesty, normally is fine and usually involves a few laughs, but this was graphic, it felt like he was painted me a really, awful, detailed picture of what had happened and thankfully I caught a break and he had to go the washroom.

“Is this your first date?” says the gentlemen sitting beside us, I respond “first and last.” Him and his girlfriend both laugh and then waiter jumps in “I haven’t heard you say anything at all about yourself all night and you’ve been here for 3 hours” I laughed and said “what?” because I couldn’t hear him. He repeats himself and asks if I need help getting out of the date and I tell him, “It’s okay, I’m just going to go the washroom and I’ll pay then head home.” the table beside me and the server both agree that at the very least, I got a few good drinks out of this, which I totally agree! Ken returns and I tell him I’m going to run the washroom and head out.

Now, Score is great for many reasons, one being they have gender neutral washrooms, the only issue was I was drunk and I didn’t know that. I walked in one door and saw some guys and apologized and left then walked through the other door, saw some more guys, apologized and left and then went around the entire place trying to find the washroom and ended up deciding I had to pee so bad I’d just go in the first door. Suddenly a bunch of guys walk in and I’m peeing but I don’t want to leave until the guys leave so that they don’t think I’m weird. So I sit.. 10 minutes pass.. finally I run out and apologize for how long it took me and tell the server I couldn’t find the washrooms, to which he explains everything to me about gender neutral washrooms and I realize how dumb I must’ve looked to everyone else. I should’ve expected it though with how the whole night went.

The bill comes and Ken leaves… I’m left with the bill.. the whole bill for his 7 beers, food and my 6 ciders, four of which he ordered for me. I pay and leave and am really just thankful that the night is over. But he proceeds to text me to ask if I want to hang out again and all I can say is, “No…. no….” He ghosted me at the table, made me pay for him and as I soon found out, lied about this age saying he was 28 when he was 34. Prime choices, Amvia, prime.

Disaster date for sure, but don’t worry I have many, many stories coming. Stay tuned.

xx your gal, AL.

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