I Don’t Want to Adult, I Want to Run Away

“Hi, my name is Amvia and I would like to formally cancel my subscription to being an adult. I was terribly misinformed and led to believe this would be fun, adventurous and satisfying; It has been none of the above. Not only would I like to be completely refunded, I would also like interest at a rate of 21.99% for the years that I feel should be void, i.e. years 18-24. Please be advised, I have given this experience 0 stars on Yelp and will continue to protest against this thing called “Adulthood” until I feel my voice has been heard.
Thank you in advance for your assistance, I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Incredibly Stressed Out 24 Year Old”

Okay, maybe, just maybe, I’m being a little dramatic but honestly I’m so over being an adult right now, this just feels right to me.

I know what some of you are thinking, “Look at this little millennial complaining about everything, life is so hard.” and you’d be right, which is great because hey you get it! But then I’d realize, oh you’re most likely being sarcastic and in that case, you’re not going to like this post and I suggest moving on, grabbing some tea and watching The Social or whatever is on at this time of day.

First things first, I am well aware that I could be worse off, I am in no way comparing myself to those who have much more intense and difficult struggles in life HOWEVER, I am allowed to feel stressed out and be dramatic if I want to be and currently, it is what I want and therefore, buckle in kids, this is the rant you’ve all said before.

There was a point in time where I really tried hard in school, given it only lasted about 2 months, but there was a time. There are numerous reasons why I stopped caring so much about my grades, ranging from expectations being too high all the way to my mother pulling me out of school so that she had someone to hang out with all day. Either way, grades and me never got along.

My main problem with school has always been, I have a lot of trouble learning something when my brain cannot find a logical reason I would need to know it. Learning how to read and write, no problem for me, but learning which weapons were used in which war and the difference between a man-made beach and a self-made beach just didn’t matter to me.

Flash forward to today, the only things I ever learned in school that have helped me to this day are how to change the oil in my car (fuck I need to do that too) and how to change a tire, although, I will still ask for help with either after struggling for about 25 hours because I am stubborn and have a lack of tools but a whole lot of confidence. Oh and also, Mr. Arsenault taught me the difference between having sympathy vs. empathy and that if you ask where there is room to improve, kindly and genuinely, you will actually be given the tools to improve. Thanks Mr, Arsenault, for being the only teacher who ever really believed in me and also for letting me call you Micheal when I couldn’t remember how to say your last name, even though we both know that wasn’t even your first name.

Okay, so I’m sitting here, still majorly stressed out but, writing this is actually helping. Here are, for those of you wondering, the main reasons for my stress today:

  1. Bees are dying at an alarming rate.
  2. People genuinely don’t believe in Global Warming.
  3. My dryer broke and I have to pay for it (WTF? I’m a tenant and it’s not even my fault)
  4. I have so much laundry to do, see above issue for added stress.
  5. Rent is crazy expensive and I live in one the most expensive cities in the world.
  6. 67% of my time is getting scolded for things I didn’t do and then fighting the urge to argue about them.
  7. I don’t see my family enough, I literally text them so much I think they have me on “Do Not Disturb” and I can’t even judge them, sending them 27 photos of my dog each day is a little excessive.
  8. My parking permit expired so now I’m just praying I don’t get a ticket.
  9. Not enough people want hugs anymore, but I do, I want all the hugs and dogs, I want all the dogs and animals, they deserve loving and good homes too!
  10. I want to do what I love and live a life I love, but that just doesn’t coincide with paying the bills these days.
  11. My car has too much negative equity to sell it, even though I don’t even need a car where I live, btw, selling said car would actually solve most of the above money problems, including the damn permit.
  12. I don’t even know what I want to do with my life.
  13. Drying my hair after a shower is something that genuinely stresses me out, but not showering is not socially acceptable.
  14. People who do not know the struggle of not having money, are the only people who seem to want to give me money advice. Which, I didn’t ask for, fyi.
  15. Health Care in BC is like $75.00 a month, just to have it, and you must have it, which is probably important, but I don’t believe my life is worth the $75/Month. Just let me butterfly* and when it’s my time it’s my time.  #YOLO #NoRagrets
  16. Is the government even real? are they helping me? are they even trying too? why does everyone think Trudeau is so hot? HELP.
  17. IDK SOMETIMES I JUST WANT TO CRY BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN THE WORLD AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SAD BECAUSE I WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY AND LOVE THEIR LIVES AND FALL IN LOVE AND JUST HAVE THE BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS THEY DESERVE AND WE’RE NO WHERE NEAR THAT WORLD AND I DON’T THINK THAT, THATS OKAY BUT I’M NOT SURE WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT IT SO I’M GOING TO CONTINUOUSLY THINK ABOUT THAT UNTIL I CAN DO SOMETHING TO MAKE THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE BECAUSE GOD DAMN YOU ALL DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND HAPPY AND TAKEN CARE OF AND MAMA AMVIA WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN I SWEAR!
  18. This generation has the highest amount of anxiety and learning disabilities than any other generation. Roughly 37% of people aged 13-26 have sever anxiety and/or a learning disability, this isn’t just a one-off thing anymore, this is a real every day issue that almost a majority of us face, THATS INSANE!

Wow, okay, that’s a lot, there are a lot of things that are causing me to be overwhelmed and not feel like I’m in control. These are only off the top of my head too, theres like a million childhood trauma issues, my own stupidity, things I’ve buried and erased from my memory and like one day, after many therapy sessions and hundreds of thousands of dollars, I will address those things. For now, all I want is to be able to be upset. Let me complain, let me have a day of stress so that tomorrow I can start getting over it. It’s okay to be angry and to be overwhelmed, it’s just not good to get comfortable with those feelings.

I know we’re all fighting a battle and that they’re all different, but it’s nice to know that you’re not alone. You’re not the only one that gets lost sometimes, to quote X-Men, “Just because one is lost, does not mean they are lost forever.”* Last week, I was happy, I was confident, I knew what I wanted and how to get it, but yesterday and today I am upset, stressed, confused and if one more person says, “you don’t know how good you have it” I will most likely break down crying. I know I have it good, I do, but just because someones problem isn’t the same as someone else’s, it doesn’t mean it isn’t valid.

I’m done, for now. I’ll stop complaining and I’ll start doing what I can to make the changes to the issues I can control… well… I’ll start tomorrow. Today I’m going to get back to work, hydrate and eat copious amounts of ice cream because I know that’ll make me feel better, until I realize I’m lactose intolerant and then I won’t feel great, but it’ll be worth it at the time.

What are your biggest stress factors in life and what do you do to help get out of a funk when the stress becomes too much? Let me know below!

xx your gal, AL.

*referring to the struggle of a butterfly coming out of a cocoon, youtube it, it isn’t easy.
*
I’m sure someone else, other than X-Men said this, but this is what I’ve got to offer you, update me below if you know more about the quote, but don’t be a dick about it, I’m fragile right meow.